Long Day Ahead

I have two sick kids and my mother in law is coming today.  I imagine my day is going to be very long and being on this cabbage soup diet, I am not in the mood for anything!  But I think I am going to make a lasagna for dinner ( i cant eat it) and I need to go and pick up some flowers and things to brighten up this dingy house!

I have been doing home improvements all week while my husband jet sets around town sitting in luxury boxes at the Shark's games and enjoying his freedom.  I am pretty sure I will give away my daughter at her wedding, because I am the only parent she is going to know! :)

I have put new pulls on the cabinets in the kitchen.  I have been back and forth twice to Home Depot.  During the week days it is filled with men in there.   Have you ever been?  A woman walks in and they all stare at you like you have six heads.  Yes, men, some of us women are self sufficent and don't need our man to go to Home Depot for us!!!  Gawd!  

I also bought two new bamboo shades for my laundry area and my kitchen.  I am trying to dress this house up a little bit.  This afternoon I am going to look for carpet and order my Xmas cards!  Ambitious you say!  That is my middle name....along with type A, obsessive, nervous, anxiety ridden, etc.  well, off to figure out how to put up my new shades.  I might have to give in and call my dad though!

Holidays

This time of the year isn't exciting for me anymore.  I mean, I love it for the kids but I dislike all the push pull feelings I have.  I want to stay in my own home for my holiday celebrations.  It is hard carting kids around to various different places, when all they want to do it is be at their house playing with their toys.  People don't understand this for some reason.  

Wondering

I am on the cabbage soup diet today.  Not good, but if you want to get yourself flushed of all the toxins, it is a great way to do so.  But always check with your doc. before starting such a diet.  I was caught up reading Yahoo!  News today and was once again shocked to see a man in NY killed his school teacher wife.  Her body was found yesterday.   How come men do this to their wives?  I mean, seriously.  There is an easier way out!  It is called DIVORCE.   Why do they think killing someone is going to make their lives easier?  I just get so frustrated and would love to sit down and talk to one of these losers.  I always tell my husband, if you EVER want out, don't kill me, just tell me. ....let me know if I don't give you a divorce then you will just kill me and I promise, I will give you a divorce!!! 

Mood Change

I am in a better mood this morning.  Well, if you count the fact that I am starting the Cabbage Soup diet today--so last night I ate half a pizza and half a pint of Ben and Jerry's Americone ice cream.  Sooo good.   I was so tired yesterday.  I am eating too much bad food and I feel yucky..so I am doing a quick cleanse to rid myself of all the bad food. ....

I have a quick thought I needed to get out before I started my day.  I read about a blogger today that blogs on finding good deals on clothing in these hard economic times.  I had to laugh.   Unless you want to shop at dumpy stores, I don't think she has the best idea ever.  

I have a couple of really great tips.  I receive something weekly called splendora.com.  It is the greatest thing EVER for fashion conscious women.  Gina, the founder, just had a baby of her own so she knows what it is like to be a very busy mom!  I also get daily updates from shopittome.com.  Awesome site.  You set up your profile to show what types of clothing you are interested in and what designers you like and everytime stuff goes on sale, they send you an email update with all the pictures and links and if you see something you like, it leads you right to the site.  And then boom, you click your size, pay and a few days later it is on your door step!  So easy and requires very little effort for us busy moms.   Shopbop.com is awesome too.  I think I might have mentioned this before but if you have not taken advantage of Target's Anya Hindmarch invasion, you are doing yourself a disservice.  She is a handbag designer from the UK and I have one of her designs.  When I heard she was going to sell the Anya Hindmarch for Target line I was so excited that I didn't have to spend another 1200.00 on a purse in this bad economy.  So stop over and get yourself a clutch or  a hobo bag.  They are almost like the real thing.

Is This it?

Lately, I continue to try to be at a good place with an issue in my life.  Whether it be browsing around Facebook, or reading our alumni book, I continue to wonder if I should have taken a different path in my life.  I think we all at some point wonder what it would have been like if we made different choices; should I have worked harder in high school so I could have gone to a better college, should I moved out of San Jose instead of staying here for school, because I am an Italian baby who can't leave her parents, should have not spent my twenties partying in bars instead of interning at some great company learning how to be the best in my field.  Don't get me wrong, I love my life.  Well, this week, I don't.  I am PMS'd, no one is helping me clean, my husband thought he was going to get laid off, I live in small house in boring San Jose...need I go on?  I hear of people who are writing books, living in NYC, traveling with their kids to Europe for work for 3 yrs and I am wondering if this is it for me?  I feel just like I  stepped into my mothers life sometimes.   Going to the same charity events, year after year.  Trying to get my daughter into the same grammar school I went to, so I too can work the Antique  Show, play room mom, yard duty and host sleepovers.   All I ever wanted as a child was to have her life---Be careful what you wish for I always say, cause you just might get it.  

I am 36 almost 37.  I told myself I would be much further than this by now.  But I can't seem to figure out what stops me from pursuing my dreams.  I always wanted to write, so I started years ago, writing, and writing and writing.  Never developed into anything and I don't know why.  Sometimes I come across my notebooks and I ask myself why I stopped.  I never have a good answer.  I think I sell my talents short.  I guess maybe it is because I don't believe in myself.  Why?  Do you?  I feel like sometimes I sleep walk through my days just doing my routine.  I am growing tired of it all.  There has to be something more than this.   I want my children to be proud of me.  Right now, I am not sure they will be.  I want them to learn how to be a strong woman.  I am always preaching it, but am I really strong?  I am frustrated this week.  I have been trying to read 3 books for the last year.  I am 1/3 done with each of them.  Why can't I ever finish what I start?   I am everything for everyone else but me....but I don't know how to be everything for me.  You lose yourself in your family sometimes as a mother and wife.   I think right now I am lost and I need to find myself again.  Until next time.

A Little Hope Lost

With the election over now I sort of had this feeling that the economy would take a turn for the better the next day.  I think I was pretty wrong!  I honestly can say that I knew things were bad for people, but never thought it would hit me.  My husband has a great job with a company that was well on its way to being great as well!   He weathered many storms with his previous company.  He stayed there for 11 yrs and just left a year ago for greener pastures!   He has been doing incredibly well....promotion after promotion came and soon he was running his group.   When the downturn in the economy came he was still busier than ever.  But then yesterday came and the perfect world was no longer.  I guess they are laying off a large percentage of their workforce and they may be laying him and one other off in his group.   The world is unfair.  He works so hard and puts his heart and soul into his job and this is how he is repaid.   How does this happen?  It always frustrates me because we spend so much time dedicating ourselves to our jobs, but when they need to cut, they don't care.  I am a bit nervous now because I don't work.  I am wondering if I will have to consider returning if something does happen.  I know many families who are facing this very same situation and when you have kids you realize you need to do whatever you can to protect them and keep them safe and provided for.  One thing I am working on is not letting my stress level show to them.    We need to let our kids be kids and not let our adult issues take precedence over their happiness.   I think one of the main things to learn during this economic downturn is that we all must live within our means so when things like this happen, we are provided for and we don't have to stress.   I told my husband tonight that we can't sit around worrying if it is going to happen, we have to realize that the path is already chosen and how we chose to deal with it is the most important thing.  Pray for us and I will pray for all who are facing something similiar... Now I have to go tend to my younger daughter who has double ear infections and a bronchial infection...ughggh.  I need a vacation......until next time.....

A New Day Has Come!

Well, although the election turned out a bit different than I wanted, I am still looking forward to what is next for America.   Quite honestly, I am relieved this whole process is over.  I could not tolerate another slanderous commercial about either candidate, or another scary doctor in a clinic ready to butcher a young woman.  That is the part about this country that bothers me the most.  We get force fed politics whether we like it or not.  The saddest part to me is that we are ready to accept change in one area, but not in others.  I wonder who these people are that don't believe in equality.   Bugs me so much.  But the one thing that bugs me the most is regardless of who won the election, I would never ever let my children see that I was disappointed in the outcome.   I would then be teaching them that it is okay to disrespect our leaders and essentially teaching them to hate.  I think that is what we did with Bush.  He wasn't in this alone.  WE elected him.  His choices may not be right, but he has advisors that aid him in his decision making.  As adults, if we walk around tossing around negative comments, our children learn this as okay behavior.  That is why our youth is so disrespectful.  I have heard the comments.  It makes me sick.  I pray my children will never be that way.  I hope I will have taught them better.     

Crazy

The last week has been absolutely insane.  I have not had one chance to sit down and dedicate a long period to writing my blog and it was making me nuts!  I have had so much to say over the last few days.  Truth be told, I just was having a hard time juggling it all.   When you have kids, sometimes you just have to let go.  I clearly do not do that well and then I take it out on everyone around me.  I am sure you know what I mean.  

We had parade after parade, then party after party.  The kids really loved Halloween this year.   This is the first year I feel like Olivia really got into it.  She was Ariel from The Little Mermaid.  Kate was Batgirl, a bunny, and Minnie Mouse.  We went to my high school alumni Halloween party.  I invited some  people to come along and thought it would be as great as it was last year.   The kids had fun, but it was pretty boring for us!  They needed more activities other than bowling and cookie decorating....the pizza was cold and tasted like cardboard.  They need to change it up next year.  All the parades were really cute.  Lots of fun costumes.  Some moms make their kids and I just can't figure it out?  Who has time for that?  We all talk about needing to spend time with our kids, so taking weeks to make a costume when you can go to Disney or Buycostumes.com and get a full outfit seems like the better choice to me.  I could be wrong..butI  feel like time focusing on the kids is time well spent.  

We went to a party on Friday night and I had a blast.  Meeting new people and socializing the kids with new kids was great.  Seems like some of the relationships that we have had since college are becoming stale and we talk about the same stuff over and over.  It was a breath of fresh air to talk to other people who knew nothing about me and I could just be myself.  So much of the time when I am with older friends it is like being in college again. 

Anway....our weekend was crazy and the kids are finally starting to get back to normal although Kate woke up with a cold this morning. I can't seem to figure out where that came from....it is so annoying.  Anyway, enough for now...until next time.

Wait...wait..I have to add on to this post 13 hrs later......my husband went to a golf tourney today..he left at 10am only to return in time for baths and bedtime.  BUT he couldn't help me because he helped himself to too much free drink while on the golf course.  My question is, if a woman went out during the day and left her husband to tend to the house and kids....what would happen if she came home and couldn't help him....it would be the end of the world, right?