Beautiful Day

I learned a lot this weekend. First off, we had two great nights with great friends. Friday night I had a chance to enjoy some time with parents of one of my daughters friends from school. We had some great wine, and talked a lot. Saturday, we went out with friends again-- I realized that we are all the same. We all want to give our children the best life we can, we want to make no mistakes and we want everyone to be happy and healthy. We work so hard to achieve this. We may not always make the best choices, but the one thing I realize is that we every decision we make somehow will affect our family. Our families are the most important thing we have in our lives. We didn't choose them, but we are stuck with them so we better do everything we can to preserve those relationships.....
Today my mom fell while out on a walk. I realized that as minor as this fall was...(she knocked out 5 of her front teeth) she is entering into the twilight of her life. She is getting more fragile than she was 5 yrs ago. My grandmother had a similar accident around the same age and she was never the same. I found my mind wandering to that place that I have for a while been trying to block. My parents aren't getting younger and I must not take one minute for granted. As I drove out of their driveway tonight, I thought about the day when it would be the last time I drove out of that driveway. I remember the day we pulled out of my grandparents the last time. I remember thinking to myself that I wish I had the time back...I wish I had come to visit more when I was in college. I bet they wished the same.
It was a beautiful day for me because I am one of the lucky ones who has a close family that loves me and supports me every step of the way. They are there when things are good, and when they are bad and they catch me everytime I fall. I know I want my children to feel the same feeling when they think of me and I know my friends all want the same for their children.

Frustration

I have so much going on, I can't focus today. I am totally distracted. I sent one daughter off to school, not before I took her to McDonald's for her before school lunch...then I realized I forgot to pack her snack and had to ask for apples from the drive- thru window. (She starts school at 1145) Then I drove to Whole Foods to get Gluten free desserts because I am going to a friends house for dinner and she is allergic to everything....as I pulled into the parking space I wondered...how the hell did I get here? Did I have a driver driving me here? I was too busy thinking to even know where I was going. Frightening.
I am feeling every bit of my age this week. We are hitting some bumps and I am strapping in for a long ride. I just have to remember to be the best person I know how to be and stay true to me.

BAAAACCCCKKK! And I am going to be better than EVER!

I have been away for a very long time now. I find it so hard some days to even have five minutes to myself. I know all you moms out there know how I am feeling. We do everything for everyone else and we let our passions and dreams fall to the wayside. Why do we play the martyr role? I am sick of it and I plan to reshape my life over the next few months. I need to regain control of everything around me and get my life back on track. My kids need to see the strong, confident and capable person I once was....they don't need to see a tired, mad, yelling mommy everyday. It is not their fault that I let myself get this way. I used to be the life of the party, now I suck the life out of a party....UGH! I saw my internist this week. He gave me a perscription for anti-anxiety drugs and sleeping pills...WHAT? But I used to be so in control....how did I get this far? I am determined not to take them, so I am going to get my butt back in shape, start eating better, yell less, and be as organized as I can be.....we need to strive to be the best we can be in this life. We have such a short time to do so. But we have to find a way to balance being the best and becoming obsessed with perfection. I have tried to be perfect and what it did it lead me to have someone tell me I need to go on meds! I am going to use this blog as my medication and to hold myself accountable. I hope you will too....join me. Let's get some balance in our lives!